Monthly Archives: April 2011

April 30, 2011 · 10:10 pm

He wrote me a story!

If you know me at all you should be aware that I totally love nursery rhymes and fairy tales and the like, and I’ve most recently been plugging my friend Fred’s ebook of fairy tales (see that Neverwas book cover over there? –>) along with some of his other stories.   You should totally go buy the book.

Anyway, it seems that Fred decided to take Goodread’s request that you “tell a story of how you met” literally, and he wrote this cute little fairy tale for me.  How totally sweet is that?!  It’s a fun read, and I hope you enjoy it…

 

Little Green Stocking Cap
by Fred Grenvile © 2011

This is a little tale that I wrote as an allegory of the way Tam and I met. Viewed one way I guess it could seem cheesy or patronizing, but the real details are private and this is close enough to get the gist across. Since Tam has expressed a real fondness for my alternate fairy stories and fables I thought I’d use that as the basis. I like the way it turned out but welcome comments here and on my own site at http://wwwGrenvile.com.

Fred Grenvile

Once upon a time a Big Bad Wolf met a little girl wearing a dark green stocking cap. The wolf greeted the little girl politely and she told him that she was called “Little Green Stocking Cap” because she was never seen without it, for an evil fae had cursed her to never remove it. She was called thus for so long that soon everyone had forgotten she’d had any other name, even she! Little Green Stocking Cap was wandering the woods on her way to find a house she’d heard was made of sweets. She had left her own home because her poor parents could not help her to remove the heavy green cap, and for shame they made her wear a silly bonnet to cover it when ever she went out of the house. Green was quite courteous to the wolf, which was quite a novelty for him indeed. But when they had spoken for a time, Little Green Stocking Cap remembered that wolves had an unfair reputation for eating little girls right up. She became frightened and ran away very fast.

Green Stocking CapNow the wolf had just remembered that the house of sweets had a very bad reputation, indeed. So, valiantly, he attempted to warn the little girl that what was sweet to the taste could turn sour on the stomach. But Green ran very fast and he became winded, so with a snarl he turned and went on about his wolfly pursuits.

Green Stocking Cap did not trust his quick retreat and continued as fast as her little legs could carry her. Just when she thought she could not run another step, there in the next clearing she saw the great house made of sweets. The walls were chocolate cake and the windows were sugar candy. Each tile of the roof was made of a different kind of chocolate delight. With a cry of joy, Green Stocking Cap ran and flung herself on the sweet-tart steps of the house and fell fast asleep.

Just as it fell dark a beautiful princess appeared and opened the door to the sweet house and invited Green Stocking Cap in. Green was very tired and the princess was so beautiful that she trusted her instantly and was soon fast asleep in a bed of her very own, with sheets of spun sugar and pillows stuffed with kettle-corn.

For a time all was lovely in the fine, sweet house, then one day Green took a fancy to hold a celebration to thank the beautiful princess for her hospitality. Green waited until she was out then slipped into the the princess’ chamber to seek correspondence that might reveal what friends might visit to celebrate.

On a high chest Green found a writing box that held many letters and notes. As she was copying the most promising names, the princess returned and found her with her hand in the box. Before little Green could explain, the princess transformed and her true form was revealed to be none other than the same wicked hag that had cursed Green to always wear the cap!

Green gave a cry and ran from the house, just avoiding the clawed hand of the wicked fae. In her other hand was a great knife and Green had no doubt that should she be caught she’d soon be cut up and in the pot to boil!

Again, Green ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, but the cap snagged upon bushes and held her back, so that the fae gained upon her, calling all her wicked friends to aid her in catching the little girl. The fae truly did plan to feast that night!

Just as Green’s legs gave out and she fell to the soft mould beneath a great oak, the Wolf sprang out of the brush. Green’s heart quailed, for she knew she could not run another step. With the Wolf before her and the Hag behind, where could she turn. She was dinner for certain.

Just then the Wolf leapt and Green fell to the ground shivering, but he sailed right past and took a great bite from the Hag who had come up behind Green unawares. They fought and tussled in great fashion, but eventually the Hag was so bloodied she tore herself free and fled with a screech, grabbing a broken stick and flying off on her makeshift broom.

The Wolf led Green to an old shepherd’s hut by a glassy lake. It was none to clean, but Green soon found she had made a home and in time the local animals and herdsmen became a new family. And ever after the Wolf watched over her from the deep wood.

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· 2:58 am

Drinking on the job…

I got “called on the carpet” at church tonight.  Last Friday it seemed to me there were too many people up on stage trying to pick out worship songs, and not enough people in the pews praying, so I decided this week I’d hang back and pray instead.

Over the course of the week I apparently forgot the why and just remembered I wanted to hang back.  I got there a few minutes late anyway, and just slipped into a back pew and made myself as comfortable as possible.  I got a few looks from people that were obviously trying to figure out what I was doing sitting down there in stead of going up on stage, but I just smiled and nodded at them and stayed put.

After a couple more songs the pastor looked back, noticed that I was taking a drink out of my water bottle and said, “I see Tammy’s back there drinking on the job”.  Doh!  I managed to keep from spewing my water everywhere… My first reaction was to muse at how clever he had been, then I got just a little offended.  When I thought about it a bit more, though, I realized he had been exactly right, probably without intending to be.

I remembered then that my intention had been to sit in the back and cover the service in prayer instead of singing… and instead I was doing neither.  So while everyone wondered why I didn’t take the cue to come up on stage, after such obvious prodding, I sat back and started praying fervently…

After a while someone all but ordered me up there, so I did go up and sing a song or two, then settled back to praying.  The resulting service was much better, I think, jesting aside, so I think I’ll make a regular habit of staying back to pray.  I suppose I should talk to the pastor about it before the next service, though :P

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April 26, 2011 · 4:26 pm

Those pesky little things…

I’ve had to handle a lot of changes over the years.  I’ve resigned myself to staying home nearly all the time.  I’ve adapted to spending years without a vacation, even though I used to live for road trips.  I changed majors in college and have made 2 major career changes due to progressions in my disability.

Over the years I was forced to give up on baseball, then basketball, then bike riding, then wheelchair basketball, and I’ve all but given up on adapted kayaking as the nerve damage has slowly taken more away from me.   So far I can still swim if I have the right equipment, and I pretend I’m getting exercise when I ride my lawn mower.

My house is a mess.  I gave up long ago on trying to keep it straight, because I just don’t have the energy.   Recently I’ve had to adapt to living in a space that isn’t just cluttered and dusty, but is also dirtier than I’d like…  I can barely handle sweeping the floor or cleaning the bathrooms anymore, so it just doesn’t get done very often.

I seem to be okay with the big changes.  It’s not easy, and sometimes it takes a while to overcome the upset, but with God’s grace I eventually manage, I find a way to get by.  I find something else I can still do, or I find a work-around, or I find a way to live without whatever it is.  I’m not sure my solutions are always healthy, and often it takes a lot of counseling from a good friend and a lot of prayer to come out the other side, but I’ve managed so far.

What really gets to me are the little things.

My keyboard isn’t working right?  My world will not be right until I can fix or replace it.  The internet goes down?  It doesn’t matter that I was planning to be away from the computer all day, my day is shot.   I got up planning to wear a certain outfit only to find it’s in the laundry?  It may take me an hour to find something else I’m okay with.

The little things are crippling.

If there are dishes overflowing my kitchen sink I cannot start any other work until they’re done — and if I don’t have the energy to do those dishes? I won’t get anything done that day at all.

If I’ve lost something, I cannot move on with my life until I find it.  I’ve had a certain drill bit missing for weeks now and I cannot seem to make myself do any of my toy work, despite the fact that the work I most need to do does not require that bit.  I need to find it.  It’s driving me mad.

The problem is that life is full of little problems and upsets.  I drop half of the things I touch, but one little mess can throw me off for the rest of the day.  I lose things all.the.time!  Things come up at the last minute, I get sick, it rains on the day I wanted to mow, a customer emails and I don’t know how to answer their question, paperwork needs sent somewhere, a friend has to cancel something… all little things that can throw me for a complete loop.

Perhaps this is normal, but other people seem to be able to ‘not sweat the small stuff’… perhaps I just expend so much of my mental energy adapting to major issues, that every small thing is a proverbial straw… but it sure would be nice if little things didn’t get to me so much.

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April 25, 2011 · 8:43 pm

Keyboardwoes

I’m sorry for the scarce blog posts.  I had been doing well with regularly posting there for a while but my keyboard’s space key went and crapped out, and it’s really hard to type much when you have to paste in a space between every single word.  (Not to mention all the times I accidentally hold the control key down too long after doing so and end up typing other control key combinations and losing everything or shutting programs down).

I’m pretty computer savvy, so when my laptop’s space bar stopped functioning I took it apart, cleaned it, reset the nipple, and put it back together, but apparently the lead itself  is bad, so I’m out of luck.  I spend enough time online that I go through keyboards pretty quickly, but this one isn’t even old enough to have any of the letters worn off, so it must have just been badly made.

Since my desktop computer’s chair is currently holding a printer that’s too heavy for me to move, I’ve switched now to a weird setup that has me using my desktop’s wireless keyboard while I’m sitting here looking at my laptop screen, which shows me what’s happening on said desktop – unfortunately the wireless kb’s keys are not as ‘springy’ and light to touch as my laptop’s.

Most of the time, when my upper arm isn’t acting up, I can manage to type fairly well and quickly, despite the peripheral neuropathy that has shredded the nerves in my hands.   I do depend on the springs in a keyboard, though.  I can tap down without tiring my nerves too much, but if I have to pick my fingers back up they tire incredibly quickly. So I make sure every keyboard I buy has very very springy keys, with as light a touch as possible.  This one, though,  is one I got in trade from a friend — I had no money to spare on another at the time — and I don’t use it often enough to have bothered picking up a new one later.

I wish at times like these that I had a good speech recognition program, but I find it nearly impossible to properly articulate when I’m tired, and both my strange habit of unintentionally and  randomly switching accents and my inability to regulate the volume of my voice (I honestly can never tell when I’m yelling or being too quiet) makes it nearly impossible for me to manage to use voice rec anyway.

So all this rambling was basically just to say that I hope my new laptop keyboard gets here quickly so my life can get back to normal.  I’m hoping for tomorrow…

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April 20, 2011 · 9:06 pm

Why are you striving?

I know I just put up a song in my last post, but I went for several months there where I couldn’t really sing, let alone record, and I’m excited to be able to get back to recording some. Besides, my keyboard is acting up, so typing much is a huge pain right now.

By Your Side by Tammy Bowles

(Original artist: Tenth Avenue North)

Please feel free to leave comments and critiques, just don’t be too mean about it :)  I’d welcome a discussion on the lyrics as well.

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April 14, 2011 · 5:33 am

What do I know of holy?

Haven’t put up a new song in a while, no music for this one but I think it turned out pretty well…

What Do I Know of Holy by Tammy Bowles
(Original artist: Addison Road)

Please let me know what you think, or if  you have any trouble with the player or anything.  I can take criticism, just keep in mind that I’m recording with a laptop mic and have no fancy software, so I can only do so much with the quality.  Thanks for listening :)

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April 13, 2011 · 2:23 am

Negative Nancy

“Negativity” is a curse word in certain circles.  People seem to think that the perfect world would be stocked by those who see nothing but sunshine and roses and walk around with smiles on their faces at all times.

I’ve never subscribed to that kind of philosophy, in fact, the saccharine happy smiley philosophy got on my nerves so badly when I was  younger that I proclaimed myself a pessimist and lived in misery quite happily (er, uhm, unhappily).

These days I’m not a pessimist.  At least not in general.  Though there may be a few subjects where I still see gloom and doom as the rule, for the most part I don’t live there.

Many people who know me probably think I do, though.  Others who know me might think I’m one of those saccharin happy people.  It all depends on where you see me, what kind of moods you see me in, what my pain levels tend to be those times, and, frankly, how well you understand the things I’m saying.

At times I find myself wanting to grab people by the shoulders, look them straight in the eye, and ask “do you understand.. the words.. that are coming out of my mouth!?”

The thing is, “negativity” has become one of those words, like “judgmental”, that is thrown around as a slight, out of context and completely regardless of actual context or intent.

If I disagree with you?  Call me negative.  If I voice an opinion you don’t like?  Call me negative.  If I acknowledge someone else’s pain or difficulty? By all means, call me negative.  But calling me that doesn’t make it true.

The fact is, positive sounding words and platitudes can lead to negative results, and negative sounding things can lead to positive results.  Context and intent is usually more important than grammar.

If you walk up to someone who’s laying in a muddy puddle and crying, and you say “aren’t you grateful for this day? look how lovely it is!”, how is that helping them?  It’s not.  Unless you say it in a bizarre voice with just the right look that makes them understand you’re being sarcastic and just trying to make them laugh… it’s not going to help their situation, it’ll just make them feel worse.  It may, however, make you feel good, if you’re the kind of person that thinks throwing out platitudes makes you great because it’s “spreading positivity” — in which case you’re just plain clueless.

Saying “I just lost my job, my dog died yesterday, and my house is falling apart around me” is negative if you’re talking to someone who just shared great news with you, it’s only going to bring them down.  But it can be positive if you’re talking to someone who’s had the worst day of their life, and you end it with “I know how you feel” and “how can I help?”.

If you share a scientific article about a miracle treatment with me, I’m most likely going to critique it from a scientific viewpoint.  If it’s a crappy article, with insufficient evidence for its conclusions or bad data, or badly designed experiments, the most helpful response, in the end, is going to be ‘negative’.  If it’s a great article, but it pertains to something you’re dealing with personally and the conclusions indicate that the miracle cure won’t be around in time to help you, then the most helpful response will be lukewarm.  Context matters.

If you write the most beautiful self-help article, full of sunshine and happiness, but it’s end effect is to make people feel like crap for being unhappy, it’s not a positive article.  If you write a blog entry about the worst day of your life, but it makes people laugh, it’s not a negative post.  Context matters.

I call things the way I see them, and I have a bad habit of assuming that the people around me will make an effort to follow context and consider intent.  That backfires frequently and I get called negative many times when it’s just not the case.  Next time you think of throwing that word at someone, stop and consider the context.  And you may want to consider your own preconceptions and prejudices as well.

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April 6, 2011 · 8:06 am

I’m a wiener!!

Versatile Blogger Award

My first bloggy award.

I’ve been debating about posting this for a couple of days.  I’m torn between loving the fact that someone actually sent me a bloggy award, and hating it because it’s basically the blog world’s version of annoying chain mail.  Hubris won out in the end, so I’m gonna go ahead and do it.  I reserve my right to turn down future awards though, so don’t get any smart ideas! :P

So anyway, here are the rules:

✿♡✿The Versatile Blogger Rules:

1. Thank the person who awarded you and link back to them in your post.
2. Tell 7 Random facts about yourself.
3. Pass the award on to 15 new found bloggers.
4. Contact each blogger you want to pass the award on to and let them know you’ve done so, and let the giver of your award know you accept it... or not. :-)

This award came from my friend Karen at Solodialogue, Thanks Karen!! :)

7 random facts about me:

  1. If you ever go with me to Toys “R” Us you will may leave completely embarassed, as I act like a 5 year old, try out half of the toys, and do obnoxious things like singing at the top of my lungs.
  2. In the winter I often go weeks at a time without leaving my house.
  3. I like to eat pickles and ice cream in the same meal, even though I’ve never been pregnant.  I also regularly drink pickle juice and tuna juice.  It’s okay, though, cuz I have to drink over a gallon of water most days anyway.
  4. I like washing dishes and folding laundry when I’m at someone else’s house (and have company) but I really really hate doing my own.
  5. I’m on the phone with a friend right now and he says to say I’m generous :]
  6. I used to play wheelchair basketball for a men’s Division II NWBA team.
  7. I was a math prodigy as a kid, took college level Calculus in 3 weeks one summer as a teen.
  8. My best friend lives over 2000 miles away and I just found out he’s probably gonna get to come visit me this summer, and I’m SO SO SO SO excited I had to add a number 8! :)

 

15 bloggers!?!?  That’s way too many… I’ll see how many I can come up with.  I’m trying to avoid people who I know already got the award, so don’t think this is any kind of popularity contest.  Also, I could care less whether any of you actually forward this thing or not, but I love the opportunity to share your blogs with others :)

  • My cousin-in-law at Vintage Victuals – who makes some incredible food :)
  • My friend Jake, who is much cooler than the back-flipping monster truck on his latest post.
  • Jake’s wife, at This Crazy Thing Called Life, who is pregnant with twins and is sure to have many cute baby pics coming soon :)
  • My sister, at Optomistically Walking IN God’s Sight, who will hopefully start posting more now that she’s gotten an award.
  • My friend Josh at Neon Cross who has some incredibly deep and thought-provoking posts.
  • Noah’s mommy, at Noah’s Miracle – Noah is one of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen (warning, auto music player)
  • My friend John at As it Happens – a new friend that’s definitely a keeper.
  • My friend Whitney at Living and loving the mom life who also has adorable kids (there’s a theme here)

Okay I’m gonna stop there cuz the list is getting long enough, I’m sure I’ll think of more I should have added later, but it’s a good start anyway, and maybe I should keep some back in case I do decide to do another one of these silly things :)

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April 5, 2011 · 3:42 am

$5 on 5 is getting an overhaul…

*** This is a little long, but please please bear with me, as this is important and I’d really like your feedback.  If you’re in a huge hurry you can just skip to the paragraph that starts “So what I want to do, instead” ***

On the off chance you follow this blog much (you probably don’t, but humor me) you might have noticed that I never did get around to posting a $5 on 5 post for last month.

I wasn’t exactly being a slacker… I think I thought about it every day, I just couldn’t come to a conclusion, so I didn’t post again.  Now that the 5th has rolled around again, I’ve figure I have to do something, so I’m going to start off by sharing my thought process…

The original idea, in case you have no clue what I’m talking about, went like this:  Each month, on the 5th, I highlighted a different charity, and asked everyone to give just $5 (or whatever they could afford) — In time I hoped to build a whole group of us doing this and our combined effort would make a real difference for that charity each month.  $5 doesn’t seem like much, but it can add up, and I’d hoped it would.

Here’s the problem.  The first month I gave $5.  By the second month I had a whole slew of junkmail coming in from charities I’d never heard of.  Apparently that first charity decided to “share” my information.  Great.  I wasn’t too annoyed because this gave me more charities to choose from.  The second month I gave, and I’m pretty sure that charity didn’t sell my info, but the flood of charity mail after that first month just kept coming… and coming… and coming.

By now I’ve gotten random loose change, tons of return address labels, greeting cards, stickers, a $2 check, a really nice metal keychain w/the footprints in the sand poem on it, maps, and various other things… all from charities.  All because I gave a few $’s hoping the money would add up and actually help people.  I know the saying goes that you have to spend money to get money, and I get that these charities are trying to play on people’s sense of integrity (wow, they sent me cool stuff, I *have* to give to them now)… but I’m left annoyed, maybe even infuriated at times.

I don’t have much money to give.  I gave what I could, and they’re just wasting that money now sending mailer after mailer trying to get me to give more money that I don’t have.  I give what I can, even more than I can sometimes, hoping it will go to actually help people.  Instead it seems to have gone into mass marketing campaigns that spend tons of money to send out junk mail hoping to get tons more money to send out more junk mail… this is sounding annoyingly repetitive, because it is.

This is not what I wanted to do.  If our little bits are just going to go towards campaigns to ask for bigger amounts that’s not helping the people that actually need it.

So what I want to do, instead, I think, is to ask people to give your $5 a month (or $10 or $1 or whatever you can afford) to a person or a family or a local shelter instead of a huge organization that’s sending out mass mailings and selling their donor lists.  I haven’t figured out the logistics of this yet, though… maybe you can help?

  • If it’s a family, how do I make sure it’s a legitimate need?
  • If I know them personally (and so have verified the need), how do you know to trust me?
  • How do we send the money?  This would be much cooler if the recipient didn’t know about it ahead of time, and it came as a surprise, but that would make collecting and sending the money more complicated, as we wouldn’t want to give out their contact information to everyone…
  • Say this really works, and we get 100 people participating… getting $5 from 100 people may be a huge hassle for the receiver (just think of all those thank you letters!), I don’t want to add *more* stress to people already in need.
  • I thought about making an actual non-profit so that people could trust me, could send me the money, and I could send it out in a lump sum… but that’s way more complicated than I can handle (at least at this point).  A friend referred me here: http://visionsmadeviable.org/ but I haven’t had a chance to look into it yet.  Any other ideas?

Please share your thoughts/concerns with me here.  I really want to continue this and do *something* but I want to make sure it counts.  For this month, please consider giving your $5 donation (or whatever you can afford) to your local food pantry.  A lot of people are hurting for food right now.

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