♫♪ I’m so happy, feeling snappy, my life is rosy, I’m feeling comfy cozy…
keeps getting better, good days forever, and this is one great day… ♪♫
I had a great day today! I’ve been having a lot more of those lately.
My arm is doing so much better these days that as long as I remember my meds it hasn’t been hurting at all when it’s at rest… a very far cry from the constant screaming pain it was in for so long. I’ve been able to make blocks, hold a microphone, mow, pull weeds, and many other things, as long as I work in short spurts, take proper breaks, and splint it when I’ve overtaxed it, it continues to cooperate. My throat is still blistery, but it hasn’t been particularly inflamed or in pain, which means it’s not affecting my singing voice at all (hence the song posts of late). My legs have even been cooperating more — I’ve started using my leg braces more again, which I had neglected for a few years, and it’s letting me do a lot more.
Combine all of the physical improvements with a good church, warmer weather, and the promise of 5 whole weeks with my best friend this summer, and things just look so much brighter around here.
Today I actually got to spend the entire evening with a friend. I helped her break down her yard sale for the evening, we had dinner together, went to church, and spent way too long yacking about anything and everything … it was great! :) We kind of fell out of touch over the winter, hopefully we’ll be able to get together every few weeks or so now, though. I might even manage to drag her to a concert sometime this summer.
I got this song stuck in my head last week and went to try to find the lyrics, turns out there are various lyrics for it, and there were things I didn’t like about most of them, so I rearranged and picked and chose and wrote my own version and decided to record it.
I was playing around with some background sounds but can’t decide whether I like the drumming or not. Let me know which version you like better.
As always, all feedback is welcome, just don’t be too harsh :) Remember I’m recording on a laptop mic with free software so I can only do so much for the quality.
I wasn’t planning on posting a song this weekend. I have a lot of work to do, and really should be off doing it. But we sang a song in church last night, one we’ve sung a few times in the past, that got stuck in my head, so I figured I’d better go look up the lyrics so I could sing the whole thing and eject it (I generally have to hear a whole song through a time or two before I can get it unstuck). Anyway, I did manage to find the lyrics after some searching, and went to see if there was a recorded version on YouTube.
To my shock, the only versions I’m able to find anywhere leave out the last, and what I consider to be the most important verse of the song. Before I go futher, let me share the lyrics with you so you’ll know what I’m talking about:
When He Calls I’ll Fly Away
1. There was once a time when, in my heart, I was condemned to die; I was walking in my sinful ways. Jesus paid the ransom for my soul, I bade this world goodbye; When He calls me I will fly away.
(chorus) When He calls me, I will answer “Here am I!” — I am ready, if He wants me to die. There’s a mansion now awaiting me on high — I am going there by and by. I have made my preparation, from this world a separation; I am walking on God’s highway, when he calls I will fly away.
2. I could never think of turning back into this world of sin. I’m rejoicing in the gospel way. I am longing for the time when heaven I shall enter in — I am ready should he call today.
3. If He needs me in this harvest, helping gather in the sheaves, I will gladly labor on below. If on earth my work is finished, and it’s time for me to leave, When He calls me I’ll be glad to go.
Here’s the thing. It really bothers me that this third verse has been left out in the popular recordings. It doesn’t really surprise me, but it does bother me.
One of the biggest temptations we face as Christians (and when I say we, I definitely mean myself included, as this is absolutely my biggest problem) once we’ve gotten our own affairs more or less in order, is to just sit back and wait. This problem is huge in the church, because it’s the temptation that most affects Christians that have been around a while.
Most people aren’t that likely to sit back saying, “I’m ready to come home, Lord” or “Lord, come quickly”. Some don’t believe, and to them this entire idea is ridiculous. Some are busy reveling in their pet sins and figure they’ve got plenty of time to straighten up before the end. Some have people depending on them. Some have goals, either in their personal lives or in their ministries, that they’re trying to complete. Some just love their lives and aren’t ready to leave yet.
But those of us who truly believe, have more or less gotten our acts together, and who are tired, for one reason or another, often fall into the trap of just sitting around begging God to bring us home. I’ve wasted years of my life this way. In my case, it’s because I don’t enjoy life here at all. I’m in pain, all the time, and I’m almost always tired. Further, I have no children dependent on me sticking around, and at least right now, no clear ministry. The promise of a place with no more disease or pain, where I get to spend all of my time singing praises, is overwhelmingly appealing to me.
Songs that remind me of that blessed promise really speak to me, as they do to most of the older Christians I know. There are some services where every single song we sing is about going on home, and I don’t usually pick the songs, so I know this feeling resonates with others.
Here’s the thing, though. We have a JOB to be doing. I wasn’t intending for this post to get this long, so I won’t go into all of the scriptures, but they’re abundant. We’re not supposed to be sitting around waiting to go home, we’re supposed to be out in the world sharing the good news, making disciples, and making a difference in the world.
This is a great song, when you read it all the way to the end, but without the last verse it’s just another temptation. It’s just another great melody distracting us from what we’re really supposed to be doing. There’s no harm in looking forward to the life to come, but we need to do so acknowledging that, for whatever His reasons, God hasn’t come back and He hasn’t called us home yet.
I have a policy that I won’t let myself sing a song unless I can agree fully with it’s lyrics. This one’s a tough one for me, but I’m singing the song, so I am endeavoring to live up to it. If He needs me in this harvest, I will gladly labor here. I just hope He gives me a better picture of what I’m supposed to be doing soon.
Oh, and I recorded the song, just so it’ll be out there somewhere in full. It’s not the best recording, it’s a capella, and I was probably singing too low, but here it is :P
Today I was thinking about this study, which came out the other day.
I read it a couple of days ago and didn’t think too much of it. It pretty much agrees with what a lot of us have been saying all along, that there isn’t really an “autism epidemic” – it’s just that a lot more people are being diagnosed, as autism is more clearly defined, the ‘spectrum is widened, and the symptoms are more widely recognized. There are plenty of autistic adults around, in all areas of the spectrum. Some of the ‘lower functioning’ adults were diagnosed as children, many of them were misdiagnosed with other developmental disorders, but a lot of them were never diagnosed at all, and have just had to make it through life as best they can, challenges and all.
This brings me to what I was thinking about today. I’ve heard a lot of parents say things that have been very hurtful to autistic adults. Things like “you don’t speak for my child” or “you’re high functioning, you don’t know what it’s like for my child”, etc, etc. Parents write blog posts about how their kids can’t do this, that or the other, and can’t be expected to, because they have autism, and how dare the world not conform to their needs? They get absolutely livid with their parents, or their grandparents, or aunt June, when they say things like “well, in my day, you ate what you were given” and “we didn’t put up with that kind of behavior”.
Parents say “these people just don’t understand” and “they have no idea what it’s like to raise a child with autism”.
But you know what?! Maybe they do. There’s ample evidence that there’s a genetic component to autism, and that grandma, the one who raised the father of your son (or perhaps the aunt who raised cousin Billy, or that old neighbor lady with the quirky son)? She might have had to deal with a lot of the same things you’re dealing with.
But in her day? There weren’t rules in place forcing schools and insurance companies to provide early intervention therapies, she couldn’t just send him off to professionals to teach him how to eat new things, or ride a bike, or hold a conversation, or speak clearly, or stop banging his head. She couldn’t afford to take him to McDonalds to get his favorite meal every day, if he didn’t want to eat the food that came out of her garden. She knew the schools wouldn’t think twice about spanking him for ‘acting up’, so she had to find ways to help him learn all of the necessary skills on her own.
And your hypothetical husband (or cousin, or neighbor)? His autism is still there. He’s still got quirky habits, shies away from social situations and annoys the crap out of you with his eating rituals and his fixation on certain subjects, but he he functions, more or less, in society.
Perhaps grandma, or aunt Ruby, or that annoying old neighbor of yours does know something of what she’s talking about. Autism isn’t some newfangled thing, and you’re not the first generation of parents that have had to learn how to raise autistic children. The past generations raised these children so well they didn’t even have a name for it, and at least on the higher ends of the spectrum they didn’t even consider it a disorder. Some children were just more difficult to raise than others. Perhaps there’s something to learn from them after all.
Most of you know that I consider myself autistic (very high functioning), you can draw whatever conclusion you want about that. In most areas, I wouldn’t advise anyone to take advice from my parents about parenting, as I’ve been through a lot more than I would ever wish on anyone. And I do believe that my life would have been much easier if I had known about autism 20 years ago. Knowing would have eased my mind about who I was and what was wrong with me, and it would have given me a better idea of what types of help I needed to get.
But I wonder, if I had been born in this generation, diagnosed at an early age, put through battery after battery of different therapies… if I my quirks had been excused because of my diagnosis, or I had been stopped from ‘stimming’ every time I went to swing for hours or played the same song over and over and over… if I had spent years in therapy trying to learn to display empathy and look people in the eyes before I was ready… if I had been put in a separate classroom to work on my ‘social skills’ instead of starting kindergarten early (because I already knew everything they taught in preschool) or if I had been kept from starting college early because of fears about my emotional maturity… would I be the same person today? Most assuredly not. And on most of these points, I really don’t think I would have been better off for it.
I know most parents want the absolute best for their children. This is the reason they push for as many early intervention therapies as they can. They spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on treatments (which often aren’t affective), just to try to help their children beat the odds that say that autistic adults are so much less likely to ‘make it’ in the world. (And don’t even get me started on ‘alternative therapies’.)
At the same time, many of these parents shun the advice of autistic adults and those who raised them. The amount of disdain they hold towards a given individual seems inversely proportional to how ‘autistic’ that adult seems… is the madness not evident here?! The ones they want their children to most end up like are the ones they’re least likely to consult.
The next time you snarl and roll your eyes at the advice of an elder, or an autistic adult, perhaps you should check yourself and see what they actually have to say. And maybe, just maybe, you could better use some of that time, energy and money you spend fighting schools and insurance companies to research what past generations did and work with your child more.
Of course, not every Aunt Betty or grandma knows what they’re talking about when they make snide comments, but perhaps some of them do. And some of the therapies we use today are definitely better than what they did back then. I’m not saying therapies and interventions are bad (though some types most certainly are), but I do think perhaps this generation has lost something by shunning the past, thinking autism is a new phenomenon and the book has to be rewritten for raising these kids.
The 5th of the month has come again, and I’m actually on time posting this for once! If you don’t know what the $5 on 5 thing is all about hop over here for an explanation. Last month I explained why I felt the need to take the $5 on 5 thing in a new direction (and if you have any suggestions, please share)… While I haven’t really solidified my plans for the long haul, I felt the need to continue these posts in the meantime.
This month, rather than ask you to give $5 to a specific charity, or your local food bank, or whatnot, I’m going to challenge you to give $5, $1, $20, or whatever you can afford, to someone you see in need this month.
This may be a friend who’s having a rough time making ends meet, a struggling mother in the grocery store who looks like she’s could use a pick-me-up, or a stranger on a street corner (take your cue from Lost & Tired’s boys).
Decide now what you think you can give, and make an effort to find a person (or several people) you can bless over the course of the month. If you feel so inclined, come back and let me know you participated :)
